Vanilla Cupcakes

Every Tuesday and Thursday my daughter Molly and I go to visit my sister-in-law, Jess for a couple hours in the afternoon. On Tuesdays we make pizza for dinner and on Thursdays, we decorate cupcakes.

Every week Jess asks for the same thing, chocolate cupcakes.
After making chocolate cupcakes for three consecutive weeks, I've started to get a bit tired of the same old thing. This week, luck was in my favour, and when I went to buy chocolate cupcakes mix, the store was all out. I bought vanilla instead.
Truth be told, I still have time to run out and grab a box of chocolate cupcake mix and to make my sister-in-law happy. (If anyone who eats these cupcakes has a strong opinion either way, please share it because we need a third party vote and Molly doesn't count).

Recently, I've been unhappy with my routine. I do the same thing almost everyday. I don't mind the little tasks or projects, and I don't mind playing with Molly. The repetition of my daily tasks and outings have left me feeling unchallenged and questioning my purpose and my life.
To put simply, I'm experiencing an existential crisis cupcake with a light smearing of approval seeking frosting, and a smattering of depression sprinkles.
This life "cupcake" is not a new dessert in my life. I've been sucking back these cupcakes since I was 22, and unofficially diagnosed with celiac disease.

Back in my young and stupid days, I was suffering from unbelievable stomach upset. Nothing helped; I slept a LOT; and I never got answers as to what was wrong with me. Instead I took control and killed Gluten and Dairy from my diet, began running, and was dosed with a light smattering of constipating antidepressants. Everything helped but was more of a downstream solution rather than fixing the problem before it happened.
They say that 'hindsight is 20/20'. Although I have no regrets, I would have made some changes earlier and educated myself better. I also should have invested more time to therapy rather than speaking to the University councillors.  I guess that that's everyone's answer. Luckily, I feel that my celiac disease has made me stronger and definitely more aware of my body. Being so in tune with my body has been the saving grace throughout my postpartum experience. I have been able to identify my weaknesses and worked on them to make me stronger both mentally and physically. I hope that I have gained enough understanding of my 'self' over the last 28 years, that I can begin to nip my mental and physical illnesses in the bud.

Today I went to the doctor to get a referral for a psychotherapist. The referral was sent off and I was told by the kind folks at Toronto East General Hospital Mental Health Department to call back tomorrow, after they can sort out the paperwork. Okay!
Seeing a psychotherapist is going to, hopefully, answer some of my questions like: Are there only vanilla or chocolate cupcakes out there? Can I swirl them? (Or, more seriously: Are there tools I can use to help improve my way of life so that I'm feeling less bored, more fulfilled, and overall happier?) It is also going to break up my routine a bit. :)

So, although we love chocolate cupcakes, every-so-often, vanilla can't be that bad. Can it?
Seeking the help of a professional is going to be change for the better. I'm not saying that vanilla is better but I've always been more of a vanilla fan. If I find that vanilla isn't working anymore, I'll change it back up chocolate or go for something funky like that vanilla/chocolate swirl.