Chocolate Cupcakes

So, I didn't have time to make fresh chocolate cupcakes for Jess today. I still have some from last weekend. They aren't super yummy but they are still edible.

Instead of finding chocolate cake mix, I took a few moments of serenity and relaxed with one of my best friends last night. We talked about life and laughed a LOT. We enjoyed a therapeutic yummy dinner (with cocktails) and just took some time to relish in our good company. After dinner was over and cleaned up, I crashed out...mentally. I don't usually fall asleep very easily and this has become a norm for me. I can't understand why, after a wonderful day, I still cry myself to sleep.

Do I feel guilty about not making the cupcakes for Jess?
Should I?
Is my dark (chocolatey) side released as a result of my depression?

Recently, I haven't been feeling like myself. I have days where I float through my activities and have no awareness of myself. One could argue that this is the result of being a full-time mother, but I think even full-time Moms know who they are at the end of the day. This feeling scares me.
I wouldn't go as far as saying that I'm dissociative or that I'm suffering a split-personality but I know that my depressive side comes to haunt me most after I take time for myself.

I grew up with a lot of guilt. This mostly comes from a desire to seek approval from my parents and peers. I know this about my personality. I've been reminded of it multiple times and it has come back to bite me in the ass. I don't want to be the one to stir the shit or hurt anyone's feelings so I take the blame for a lot of things in hopes that I can look past it and move on faster.
My chocolatey side is getting tired of this.

I've been feeling less guilty for things that would previously have made me feel guilty. I've been passing through arguments without processing the meanings (unless the person I'm arguing with stops me and calls me out). All of this in hopes to move through this awkward interaction and get onto feeling something again. Without the guilt nagging at me, I just don't feel anything.

You know that feeling when you eat too much chocolate and you get a really awful stomach ache? I used to get that when I didn't feel like I was living up to other's expectations. My chocolatey side has released me from that (to a point). I don't feel like I want to intentionally harm someone but I don't feel like I should go out of my way to appease anyone other than myself.
My chocolate side isn't really all that bad. I feel protected from feelings that used to drive me nuts and chocolate is always yummy. The downside to being chocolate is that there is a fine line between just enough and over doing it. I'm hoping that my depressive chocolatey goodness manages to keep me satiated rather than turn me into a sugared up tummy ache monster.