Muffins

My Mom always said that, "a muffin without bran is just a cupcake".
I get it.
Feel free to argue with either of us about this, but it really isn't going to get you anywhere. We are pretty set in our 'muffins contain bran' ways.

This weekend I am hosting one of my best friend's bachelor parties. With the help of my other great friends, we have devised a weekend full of good times, good friends, and lots of mayhem. I figure that that is what a bachelor party is (only usually there are women there who are paid to take their clothes off. With low enough self-esteem, I'm sure someone in our crowd can get drunk enough to oblige the stereotype). I'm making muffins for our Sunday brunch. I haven't figured out what kind yet, but I can tell you that I can't eat bran. (Flax is my bran substitute and I will be adding that so we can call these muffins 'muffins').

Most of my friends see me as a cupcake. I'm cute, small, funny, and usually covered in sprinkles. I give off the persona that I'm happy (like a vanilla cupcake with pink frosting and rainbow sprinkles). These days, I feel more like a muffin. I'm not feeling my pink frosting and sprinkles, and quite frankly I'm as bland as bran on the inside. Can one put bran into a cupcake and still call it a cupcake? One could frost a muffin or then it would be a cupcake? A cupcake with bran should really be a muffin with some makeup. I've made cupcakes without frosting before and no, they are not muffins! (Now I've just confused you all).

What I'm trying to say, (muffin and cupcake analogy aside), is that my looks are deceiving. I'm not trying to trick anyone on purpose but I feel that moping around can't help anyone. Seriously, when was the last time you wanted to hang around with a wet blanket? Right?!
I would like to hope that giving the impression of happiness would eventually lead to happiness. So far, you will all be pleased to know, that it hasn't hurt. I know that there are arguments for me being true to myself and I should give the impression of my self that I really am. Realistically speaking, I don't see much benefit in that. If you are reading this, you know I'm unhappy. You don't have to ask me how I'm doing. You already know. I just don't see myself acting unhappy as helpful to my cause. Honestly, sometimes I find it easier to act happy rather than act sad. Being depressed is exhausting and I have enough on my plate with Molly.

When I hang around in groups of friends, I've been getting a bit anxious. I don't fear my friends nor do I worry about how they see me. I just don't want to be a buzz-kill. The next two weekends are going to be a LOT of fun. Even in my miserable state, I know this. Good friends, good times. My biggest fear is that, as a muffin in cupcake's clothing, I let my bran show and bum everyone out. *Note: Yes, that is a pun. Please do with it as you may. I think I'm funny.*

So if you are reading this, and you are hanging out with me over the next two weekends, I'll try my best to warn you if there is going to be bran all over the place but otherwise, expect a cupcake.